I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
