there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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