I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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