i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
