you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
