So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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