come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
