He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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