You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
