I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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