Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
