HIV tests are more positive than that guy
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i need some magic done to my vagina
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
