PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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