Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
