I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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