I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
