How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
