Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
