we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
