Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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