marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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