I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize