1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
