Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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