Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
