i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All I want is dick and wine.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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