you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
