Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
