Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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