On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
His nipple licking is glorious
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