I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
