I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
