My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
