final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
