do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
