I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
