1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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