Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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