Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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