youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
