things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Randomize