Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
