If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize