so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
