I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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