Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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