i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
