This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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