we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
