halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Is it penis luge time yet?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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