This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
home. puking in laundry basket.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize