so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
