Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
