We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
