Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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