I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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