Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
