I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
