Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
