I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
