I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
