direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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