Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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