My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Randomize
