i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
