Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
