it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
